Sunday, September 20, 2009

Eight is auspicious

In China the number 8 is considered very auspicious. That’s why the Beijing Olympics commenced at 8.00 PM on 8.8.08. When my dear blogger friend, Preeti, tags me with the “Eight tag”, I just had to pick it up. Everybody in the blogging world knows Preeti. I can fill a post with her credits, but let me just say, if you haven’t read 34 Bubblegums and Candies, do get hold of a copy; it’s a lovely read.

With a little journalistic licence, I’ll twist the tag to fit into a business blog and hand the post over to my good friend Abracadabra Technology Ltd. It’s a small company. It’s a legal person (companies are). But nobody lets a company talk. So here’s the opportunity.

8 “TV shows” I like to watch in my office

I don’t watch TV but see plenty of interesting stuff that goes on in the office.

1.The “boss” is flirting with his secy. Now what on earth is that ugly, bald, fat, oldie thinking ?
2. Those two maamis are at the coffee machine for the last 1 hour chatting away when they should be working.
3. Everybody is peering into a computer screen. But Oh God. Some are playing games. Some are checking google mail, some are blogging, some are tweeting, others are idly browsing. Can’t see anybody who’s working. Thank God the IT guys have at least blocked out the porn.
4. Look at that meeting going on. Hey you - don’t snore so loudly.
5. The staircase really stinks. Everybody smokes there. I hate to see that place.
6. There’s somebody yelling at a poor little thingie, who looks like she’s going to cry. That monster of a Project Manager… Grr !
7. Open offices and telephones don’t go together. There he goes again, yelling like mad.
8. They’re all bitching about the new HR head who joined last month. Can’t repeat what they say in the polite company this blog keeps.

8 favourite places to eat

1. The canteen of the neighbouring company
2. Your own desk
3. That streetcart selling kachoris – made from machine oil
4. Andhra restaurant down the road
5. The posh conference room ; especially when dripping sauce on the carpet
6. Dinners when clients come – you always go to a good restaurant. Only pain is you have to smile at whoever has come
7. The coffee machine (not for the coffee; for the gossip)
8. Every place other than the company canteen, which stinks.

8 things I look forward to

1.The day somebody changes my name. Why do people give boring names to companies.
2. When they’ll clean the carpet
3. The annual day. Great fun. Everybody dances like crazy.
4 The day when they’ll shift office from this grubby place and build a campus
5. When I’ll have 10,000 people working in me. After all, size is everything , you see !
6. When they’ll serve some decent food in the canteen
7. When the buses to take my people home takes the right person to the right home
8. When the IT geeks will allow all my nice people to blog from the office.

8 things that happened yesterday

1.The system crashed
2.The power went 27 times
3. 4 visitors from Europe came. And how much all these so called bigwigs here groveled.
4. They had a fire drill. And nobody followed the evacuation plan.
5. 74 people came for interviewed. 26 employees quit. HR didn’t know who was who.
6. The shuttle bus came late and then most of my people were stuck on Marathahalli Bridge.
7. 3 birthdays were celebrated. They really sing Happy Birthday in an awful tune.
8. Travel dept bungled the tickets of 13 of my people who were to fly to Germany. Instead they were sent to Korea.

8 things I love about winter (assuming what goes on here can be called winter)

1. New Year celebrations. Everybody who works here has a ball
2. The annual pay rise. Everybody grumbles, but still ….
3. End of the budget season – what a torture that is
4. The coffee in the machine, suddenly becomes warm and drinkable.
5. Lots of “goras” come – since its too cold “out there”. So all get some nice free dinners
6. Most of the people can come an hour late – as those strange Yanks and Brits have put the clock back by an hour
7. All those wonderful white people are off for Christmas for a week. My people have an easier time.
8. They don’t turn the AC on to max and freeze everyone to death.

8 things on my wishlist

See the list of things I look forward to.

8 things I am passionate about

1. My people are treated properly and are not yelled at.
2. They don’t “window dress” me but show my true colours
3. They make me grow, and grow and grow.
4. They do some good for the poor people who are all around my office.
5. My people are all safe – come, go and work in safety.
6. They spread less bullshit around, for it really stinks.
7. They beat the s$%^ out of that s.o.b who calls himself my competitor.
8. They find new stuff everyday. I get bored with the same thing very quickly.

8 words or phrases I use often

Since I can’t talk, I don’t have favourite words, but I’ve heard these spoken the most in my office

1. HELLO (yelled at 15000 decibels on the phone)
2. You must improve and do better
3. System down
4. Blah Blah Blah
5. Need more money; can you do better than your budget ?
6. Variance analysis – why has the cost of paper cups gone by 14.296 % ?
7. HR goofed up, again.
8. I should be paid more.

8 things I learnt from the past

1. HR will never pay salaries correctly or on time
2. Finance will delay every bill that is to be paid
3. Sales will miss their target and have a wonderful explanation why
4. Marketing will produce an suave, sexy ad, which will bomb when aired
5. Everybody will miss their budget by at least 10%.
6. The project will be late.
7. New ERP costing several millions will be installed and will bomb on day one.
8. The CEO will award himself a 74% pay rise.

8 places I would love to go,visit or see

Since I don’t go anywhere, I can’t really take this on, but I can tell you 8 other places where I would have loved to be incorporated rather than where I am

1. Bahamas
2. Virgin Islands
3. Mauritius
4. St Kitts and Nevis
5. Luxembourg
6. Dutch Antilles
7. Canary islands
8. Barbados

My only slight worry is that the companies who I’ll have for company (if you’ll pardon the pun), there will all be crooks.

8 things I currently need or want

I really don’t need anything, but I would love if the following people joined me

1. A Journey Called Life
2. The Thoughtful Train
3. Le Embrouille Blogueur
4. Reflections
5. Kiwibloke
6. Kanmuri
7. Exkalibur66
8. Athivas

They have such lovely names they hide under. And I have such a boring name …