Ryan Air is contemplating introducing “standing” on flights. Wow. Apparently they now also charge you to go to the loo mid flight. So what is the future of flying ? Here are some suggestions
- They should all do an indepth study of the Bombay trains as the best example of maximizing passengers per cu ft of available space. They can transform flying by replicating the Bombay train model.
- They can have two classes of standing on flights. In first class you are squashed against your neighbour, but can stand straight. In second class you are squashed but your body has to be bent at least in three places to accommodate more people. There will also be a material difference in body odour – a fact that can be advertised.
- Travelling on the roof of the plane will also be allowed (half ticket). It’s much safer anyway than the roof of the train. However the plane will have a fly a little lower to avoid those at the top, who are “catching the breeze”, from being frozen to death.
- Planes will no longer descend at airports. Instead they’ll sort of go slow over the target area and passengers can jump off. If you are incredulous reading this, go to at Churchgate station in Bombay at about 6.00 PM in the evening.
- Boarding process can be entirely dispensed with – Kreegah Bundolo and charge. Boarding will be completed in 1 minute flat. If you are again incredulous, go to Churchgate station…etc etc. Turnaround times for planes will come down to 2 minutes.
- You can dispense will all cleaners. Cleaning ? What’s that ?
- Baggage handling will become much easier. People will stop carrying baggage once they experience one flight.
Here are also some suggestions of how airlines can enhance revenue
- Ryanair’s idea of charging to go to the loo is brilliant. I also suggest that they measure the time you spend in the loo and accordingly have a graded scale of charges
- Airlines can stop pressurizing the plane and then charge for oxygen masks
- They can weigh the passengers at the time of check in and have fares based on weight
- Why not dispense with cushions on seats altogether and simply have wooden planks
- Why not allow people to sit inside the luggage racks as well ? This is fairly common in other modes of travel
- Charge passengers for the privilege of being security frisked (premium charge to be frisked by a pretty girl)
More suggestions welcome.