Saturday, July 10, 2010

"Person" Chauvinist Pig

This zone has been tag free for some time now, achieved by skillful deflecting of the multitude of girlie tags that swish around in the blogosphere. But when cornered by two begums, here and here, and one gils, this MCP could not resist nibbling at this loose grenade that has been lobbing about.

The tag is supposedly about gender stereotypes and you are cursed with wearing pink pants for 12 years (?) if you drop the tag. Since my entire wardrobe consists of shades of white above the hip and shades of black below, this is a rather dire threat; especially as the aforesaid gils has been known to be partial to, shall we say rather colourful combinations of green and red. So, as is my wont, I am twisting this tag to a company.

It is well known that companies are an extreme version of the male chauvinist pig. Idle Sunday speculation on the feminine traits hidden in the closet might be a fruitful line of enquiry. So here goes.

- Friday dressing. As is well known, obsession with what you are wearing is a peculiarly feminine trait. Companies pander to this by declaring casual dressing on Fridays. And what does it lead the female of the species to wear ? Exactly the same abomination they do on all the other days . (The begum who has hinted that I am a southie of the pattu pavadai , malli poo variety – please note !)

- 360 feedback. Whoever invented this has to be shot. This is supposed to be the goodie goodie touchy feely process of telling your boss that he’s a rather likeable chap, but could he yell just that teeny bit less. Instead of the masculine way of telling him to his face that he is a s.o.b.

- Paternity leave. Now, this leaves me open mouthed. MCPs are supposed to be out bashing other guys to dust in the market. Not changing nappies for two weeks. Please …..

- Pink offices. Have you noticed how garish offices have become. All sorts of colours and so called “swanky stuff” that rival the colours of the version of feminine attire that I have alluded to before. Instead of the austere black that truly represents the hellholes that they really are.

- The company magazine. Makes you want to gag. How great everything is and photos of the 20 suckers who got married or had babies. Instead of plastering it with photos of the office beauties, they then spoil it all by having the CEO’s mug on every page. A pity he looks like a constipated owl.

- The water cooler/coffee machine. Have you noticed that the average coffee time of the fair sex is about 75 minutes more than the he men ? For this is the gossip area. Not about office politics, but about the other girl over there who is wearing a new kurti. Ugh !

- Declaring a holiday for Karwa Chauth. Non Indian readers – you miss nothing by not understanding this gag inducing Indian “festival”. Nobody remembered this prehistoric tradition until the saas bahu serials resurrected it. Now it’s on the holiday list. Eeeks. Where will it end ??

- Potted plants in the corner office. Can horticulture be restricted to botanical gardens please. The man in the corner office is supposed to be a growling tiger. A sad drooping apology of a plant (the watering lady has bunked) rather spoils the picture.

- Gender correct English. What on earth is a Chairperson ? A tea lady should be a tea lady and not a “tea human being”. And please don’t change this popular sound bite – “The consumer is not an idiot. She’s your wife”.

- Tissues in meeting rooms. It’s alright if they are for wiping lipstick, but not if they are an open invitation to bawl. Like smokers, if you want to bawl, you have to go down outside the gates ….

I better duck, for I fear I am in mortal danger !