Saturday, October 3, 2009

Men of the world arise; burn the tie !

Women normally beat men by a mile when it comes to sartorial extravagances. Witness the one standard question in each of the one million girlie tags that float around in the blogosphere and that are thrust upon unsuspecting men ! What are you wearing ? God ! Especially as the answer getting a little too close to the truth might be a lungi and a banian.

And yet, if there is one fashion accessory that has been completely appropriated by the men , leaving women totally vanquished, it is the blasted necktie. The contraption, officially translated in Hindi as kanta langot.

This abomination has unfortunately become standard business wear. I have no clue why. Don’t men realise how ridiculous a strip of cloth hanging from the neck, and attempting to constrict the life of out them, looks. Especially, in a hot country like India, where what you really need is the circulatory powers of the aforementioned lungi. And yet they willingly submit themselves to the torture of a necktie day in and day out.

It is supposed to be a fashion statement. Bah ! Ugly old men with a fat paunch and who wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything more controversial that a white shirt, can be seen sporting this monstrosity in fluorescent pink. Especially since the dimensions of their protruberance preclude this fashion accessory from reaching the standard length of the belt buckle. What are they thinking ? And what about the Romeo who loosens his tie and lets it hang loose. Now, even a well knotted tie is, at best, silly. A loose tie ? Eeks !

There are some serious hazards involving the tie that merits a case for a complete ban. Like getting caught between the lift doors and subjecting the wearer to extreme asphyxiation. Or more likely finding its way into the cup of tea in front of you, or even more colourfully, into the sambhar at the lunch table. Of course it comes handy for a Project Manager (like the specimen who is currently casting a shadow over my good friend le embrouille blogueur) when subjecting subordinates to interference with their respiration by compression of the trachea. And its a positive health hazard - the dirtiest piece in a man's attire, since its never washed. So much so that British hospitals have forbade their doctors from wearing one. Its sole utility is that it comes handy when polishing your glasses. But that doesn't make it a redeeming quality.

I am not, normally, a fan of the Islamic Republic of Iran. But on one matter they are dead right. They have rightfully termed the necktie as a decadent symbol of Western oppression. And banned it. So you can wear a three piece suit; but no tie. You’ll be sent to jail as an imperialist if you dared to sport one. I am thinking of moving to Tehran, when I’m done with China !